Slutwalk Sacramento

Physical consent/body language/enthusiasm

Things to ask yourself/look for:

• Is your partner responsive and enthusiastic to your advances?
• Does your partner seem nervous, upset, afraid, or timid?
• Is your partner encouraging you by pulling you closer or getting closer to you?
• Is your partner being hesitant, turning away, or trying to move away or get out of an embrace or position?
• Does your partner seem like they want to speak out against an action/activity?
• When giving verbal consent, are they enthusiastic or half-hearted?
• When bringing up something new you want to try, does your partner seem eager to participate or are they hesitant to proceed?
• Does your partner pull away from your advances.
• Feelings that you should consider when giving consent.
• Do you really want to do this?
• Are you enthusiastic about your partner’s advances?
• Does anything that your partner is doing make you feel uncomfortable?
• Do you feel like you can’t say no?
• Did you say yes and then regret it?
• Do you feel afraid about what your partner is doing?
• Does your partner frighten you?
• Do you feel like you HAVE to say yes?
• Do you feel like you want to stop but are afraid to say it?

Many people don’t think of body language as a form of consent, but it very much is! A person can say “yes,” but their feelings and body may be saying otherwise. Good consent requires good communication, and a part of communication is listening. You have to, essentially, “listen” to your partner’s body actively as well as the fluctuations in their voice to be really certain about whether or not they’re comfortable with what is happening.

Verbal consent
Things to ask/say:

• “Are you comfortable with this?”
• “Can I continue?”
• “Do you enjoy this?”
• “Where do you want me to touch you?”
• “Tell me when to stop.”
• “Tell me if I hurt you.”
• “Use the safe word if it’s too much.”
• “Can I touch you here?”
• “What do you want me to do?”
• “Is this too much?”
• “Do you want to stop?”
• “Tell me if you want to do something different.”
• “Is it ok if we try/do this?”
• “Do I need to slow down/speed up/stop?”
• “If I do ___ will it be ok?”
• “Are you ready for this?”
• “Can we try something new?” 

Answers that do not give consent/revoke consent:

• “I’m not comfortable. Can we stop/slow down/try this later?”
• “I don’t want to do this/continue with this.”
• “I don’t enjoy this.”
• “*Uses safe word.*”
• “I don’t want you to touch me me here.”
• “I don’t want you to ___.”
• “You’re hurting me.”
• “This is too much, please stop.”
• “I want you to stop.”
• “I’m not ready for this.”
• “It’s not ok for you to do this.”
• “I don’t want to try that.”
• “I want you to stop now.”

Answers that do give consent/reinforce given consent:

• “I like that, please continue.”
• “I’m ok with this.”
• “I’m comfortable with what you’re doing.”
• “Don’t stop.”
• “I like it when you ___.”
• “I enjoy this.”
• “I want you to go on.”
• “I want you to touch me there.”
• “I want to try/do this.”
• “Speed up/slow down/do this..”
• “I want to do more.”

Ways to not pressure partners:

• “It’s ok if you don’t want to.”
• “I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for, so we can wait.”
• “I respect your choice and won’t go further then you want.”
• “I can wait until you’re ready to do more.”
• “Tell me what you want, and we can do just that so you’re not uncomfortable.”
• “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, so we’ll stop.”
• “I understand you’re not ready. It’s no big deal.”

Again, communication, communication, communication! Verbally establishing what is and isn’t ok while also being aware of the physical signs of consent is key. Keep in mind that you don’t just have to ask these questions during sexual activity. Talk about these kinds of things outside of the bedroom too! You can get into detailed conversations about how you want things to go, what you are and aren’t comfortable with, and if anything changes while you’re engaging in sexual activity, you have the power to change your consent. Giving, receiving, and respecting consent is an ongoing process.

Consent while under the influence of alcohol.
Things to ask yourself before you drink:

• Do you want to engage in sexual activity while under the influence?
• How much are you planning drink?
• What kind of people are you going to be around?
• Do the people you’re around know your boundaries?
• Are you in an environment where you’ll be safe?
• Are you going to hook up or be with a repeat partner?

Things to ask others before they drink:

• “Do you wanna hook up?”
• “Are you comfortable with drunk sex?”
• “Is it ok if we mess around while we’re drinking/drunk?”
• “I know we’ve had drunk sex before, but do you want to do it again?”

When consent cannot be given while drunk:

• When someone is passed out.
• When someone has blacked out.
• When someone is wasted, slurring words, stumbling, etc.
• When someone has specified before drinking that they don’t want sex.

What is NOT drunk consent, and can be considered rape:

• Pretending to help someone to bed and then sleeping with them while drunk/wasted.
• Having sex, touching, or doing other things to someone who is wasted, slurring words, stumbling, etc.
• Doing the above things to someone who is drunk/wasted who makes it verbally (no matter how slurred or muttered) clear that they do not want you doing these things to them.

Important things to remember about drunk consent:
People who are drunk have impaired inhibitions, which means they might do things they would not do otherwise if they were sober. Being tipsy and being drunk/wasted have differing levels of consent accuracy, and it is up to you, the person asking for consent, to make wise decisions. Even if it is a partner or friend, you must take into account the situation and ask yourself if they would give you consent in a sober situation, and if THIS situation is one they would give consent in. Be mindful of signs that show that people cannot give consent or haven’t given consent. Even if your advances are not malicious in nature, the other person may not have actually given you consent, and you could end up in an unpleasant situation. Please, please, please remember that a person who is drunk is not a “target.” It is never good to pin-point people who are drunk or wasted for sex because those people may or may not actually be consenting, and the decision to seek out drunk people because they’re “easy,” or “asking for it” perpetuates the idea that if you’re drinking and someone has sex with or does sexual things to you without your consent, that it’s YOUR fault that you were raped/taken advantage of, and NOT the person who did the raping/assault.

Things to remember about consent:
Consent is not ongoing or automatic. Fuck buddies, monogamous partners, open partners, spouses, friends with benefit…, all of these relationships and more HAVE to practice consent. Saying “yes” one day does not guarantee a “yes” the next. Being in a relationship or having done sexual things prior is not an excuse to ignore lack of consent.

Another thing to remember is that it’s not just women/female-identifying individuals who give consent, nor is it just men/male-identifying individuals who have to get it. If a person is not comfortable with something, they should be respected by their partner and not pressured, no matter what their gender identity is!

Consent is all about communication from all participants. If someone does not give enthusiastic, genuine consent, even if it’s a yes, it is not truly consent.

Slutwalk Sacramento did not write this blog and does not know the writer’s identity or blog location.

Anonymous asked: Hey there. I was raped over the weekend by a "friend" of mine. My problem is that it doesn't fit into the traditional view of rape, the view that society holds. My mouth said yes, but my body said no. He even acknowledged after the fact that he saw I was uncomfortable. Yet he continued, because he heard yes. But sex with consent doesn't give you signs of PTSD. Rape does. I've since heard of a thing called "Enthusiastic Consent." If you could address that sometime, I think it may help others.

We’re so sorry about what happened to you, and we hope you’re getting some kind of counseling or other form of help to assist you as you work through your PTSD. Talking about enthusiastic consent is such a great idea! For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term.. enthusiastic consent basically means that you don’t have sex or engage in any particular sexual activity with someone unless that person has given you an enthusiastic, unambiguous, verbally expressed “yes.” I am glad you messaged us, we’re in the process of writing speeches for the program and this hadn’t crossed our minds but definitly needs to be addressed at the event!

Our busy little Asst. Event Coordinator Ashley attempting to straighten all the lines on the banner that I and Stephanie made an absolute mess of, haha!

Date: May 1st, 2012

Time to get real with the SWSAC followers. We are not meeting our goal! We need $1000 to run a successful event. Here is a run-down of our expenses.

• PA System - $129.30
• Porta potties - $350
• PA Delivery - $150
• Marching Permit - $75
• Tables and Chairs (I did an estimate of 10 tables and 20 chairs, but we could have less, I don’t know since we are all getting the co-sponsors together) - $91 w/ free delivery
• PVC Pipe - $5.98
• Concrete - $2.69
• Rope - $1.00
• Lanyards & Vests for Volunteers - $40.00

Total of $844.97 currently.

• THIS AMOUNT DOES NOT INCLUDE FLYER COSTS, SIGN MAKING COSTS, ETC.

There is $98.00 in the Slutwalk bank account. There is $26 raised on our Indie GoGo fundraiser. Currently, we’ve generated $100 from our wonderful cosponsors. We need your help, guys! This event is not possible without you. To donate, go here: http://www.indiegogo.com/slutwalksac2012

Alright everyone, it’s down to the wire!

The event is only eight weeks away!

We just announced today that the event date has been changed to JUNE 16TH because we realized that there is some pretty fun stuff happening in San Francisco on June 23rd that we weren’t aware of when we booked the date. You all have been so supportive, but we need more! Alot of you have told us that you plan on donating, NOW IS THE TIME! We cannot fund this event with co-sponsorships alone! WE NEED YOUR HELP!

http://slutwalksac.webs.com/

Also… good annoucement…

The Slutwalk Sacramento rally and march is scheduled for June 23, 2012 on the west steps of the state capitol at 2pm.

update: date has been changed to June 16th 2012

God, don’t you love those fb conversations (with people you hardly know) about sensitive, and controversal topics? Well given my love for controversy, I suppose, I do.

Given the missunderstanding about why we’re named SLUTwalk… I’d thought I’d break it down for all you cliff note style. That way if someone gives you smack for your support-you can always forward this to them.

This was a response, which was generated after someone on FB questioned our usage of the word, and thought it was more damaging to use it… than progressive…

 

Do you or anyone you know host any open mic shows locally? Would you like us to advertise your event on all of our official web pages? If you could hold a space for us to receive donations (a box, bin, coffee can, whatever!), we will gladly promote your event! Please email any inquiries to Slutwalk.Sacramento@gmail.com.

Slutwalk Sacramento is currently planning a small benefit show to help reach our expense goal before May. If you or anyone you know is interested in performing at the event please send us an email ASAP! The event is still in the planning stages, we have not yet picked a venue or date as we are trying to meet all entertainers’ schedules. The event will most likely be held in a small coffee shop or other all-ages venue. If you are selected to perform at the event your act will be advertised on ALL official Slutwalk Sacramento web pages!

If you are interested in performing, know of an act we should contact, or know of a local venue that would be suitable, please email:

Slutwalk.Sacramento@gmail.com

Hey, followers! It’s finally here! The Official Slutwalk Sacramento website is up and running, go check it out and tell us what you guys think!

yourealwaysnaked asked: Slut Walk in Sacramento????? When And where??

YES! Slutwalk is marching into Sacramento this year! The date is still to be announced, keep checking back here for the official event date. Our website will be fully operational this month as well, so you will be able to get more information and possibly sign up for a Slutwalk Newsletter by email to keep you updated on our progress. Currently we are looking for donations and volunteers! If you are interested in either please email us at: Slutwalk.Sacramento@gmail.com

Thank you so much for your interest and support, it is so very appreciated. :)

I might just copy and paste this so I can have this perfect answer ready when people say things like “but how does this “rape culture” actually affect women?”  (via holdmecloser-tonydanza)

Rape culture is the reason I am so paranoid. 

(via madamedevideoland)

(Source: forums.somethingawful.com, via oneyoungfeminist)